Trousered Ape
An exercise in presumption.
Saturday, November 30, 2024
State of the Ape XXXI
As always, thank you for your prayers.
We’ve met with my new oncologist. Next month I’m supposed to go off one of the testosterone-suppressing meds and start chemotherapy. Otherwise, not much different.
Started the wheels in motion for the cover of Edwina 2, There Will Be Murder Done. It should be out (DV) in the spring of 2025.
And…clerihews!
As Tintoretto
Sat toying with a stiletto,
An ugly suspicion
Grew in the mind of Titian.
The Marquis de Sade
Was told by his Dad,
“Son, your amusements
Are becoming a nuisance.”
John Paul Jones
Was the first to throw stones,
For he had always been
Without sin.
As always, thank you for your prayers.
We’ve met with my new oncologist. Next month I’m supposed to go off one of the testosterone-suppressing meds and start chemotherapy. Otherwise, not much different.
Started the wheels in motion for the cover of Edwina 2, There Will Be Murder Done. It should be out (DV) in the spring of 2025.
And…clerihews!
As Tintoretto
Sat toying with a stiletto,
An ugly suspicion
Grew in the mind of Titian.
The Marquis de Sade
Was told by his Dad,
“Son, your amusements
Are becoming a nuisance.”
John Paul Jones
Was the first to throw stones,
For he had always been
Without sin.
Sunday, November 17, 2024
Another Literary Announcement
My short story, The Body in the Creek, has been published in the Crime Wave anthology from Dragon Soul Press.
My short story, The Body in the Creek, has been published in the Crime Wave anthology from Dragon Soul Press.
Friday, November 01, 2024
State of the Ape XXX
Again, thank you for your prayers.
Blood work: My PSA jumped again, to 1.201. Still “normal,” but…the cancer is coming back. I’m being transferred to a new oncologist specializing in prostate cancer; I (or, rather, we — the Bride is the keeper of my health, being much more organized that I) meet with him later this month.
I’ve been put on bone-strengthening shots, as the cancer apparently tends to leach calcium from them.
Still no dizzies (Deo gratia!). An attack of positional vertigo that lasted about a week, but that’s merely inconvenient; just have to be careful moving about.
I haven’t gotten around to arranging for the cover and interior map for Edwina 2, but I will soon. I really do need now to focus on Edwina 3. Meanwhile, I’ve reworked a sci-fi short story and submitted it to an anthology call from an outfit called Worldstone Publishing. We’ll see what happens.
I’ll be selling books at a craft fair next Sunday (Unexpected Tales and Zoe only; a murder mystery might clash with them).
The Bride and the girls are well.
And a few more clerihews:
“I hate graffiti!”
Screamed Queen Nefertiti.
“The way they scribble on the Sphinx
Really stinks!”
Marcus Tullius Cicero
Stood under the mistletoe,
Waiting vainly for kisses
From young Roman misses.
Said the courtiers of Xerxes,
“How the King smirks! He’s
Just like a Cheshire cat —
What’s he got under his hat?”
Again, thank you for your prayers.
Blood work: My PSA jumped again, to 1.201. Still “normal,” but…the cancer is coming back. I’m being transferred to a new oncologist specializing in prostate cancer; I (or, rather, we — the Bride is the keeper of my health, being much more organized that I) meet with him later this month.
I’ve been put on bone-strengthening shots, as the cancer apparently tends to leach calcium from them.
Still no dizzies (Deo gratia!). An attack of positional vertigo that lasted about a week, but that’s merely inconvenient; just have to be careful moving about.
I haven’t gotten around to arranging for the cover and interior map for Edwina 2, but I will soon. I really do need now to focus on Edwina 3. Meanwhile, I’ve reworked a sci-fi short story and submitted it to an anthology call from an outfit called Worldstone Publishing. We’ll see what happens.
I’ll be selling books at a craft fair next Sunday (Unexpected Tales and Zoe only; a murder mystery might clash with them).
The Bride and the girls are well.
And a few more clerihews:
“I hate graffiti!”
Screamed Queen Nefertiti.
“The way they scribble on the Sphinx
Really stinks!”
Marcus Tullius Cicero
Stood under the mistletoe,
Waiting vainly for kisses
From young Roman misses.
Said the courtiers of Xerxes,
“How the King smirks! He’s
Just like a Cheshire cat —
What’s he got under his hat?”
Sunday, October 20, 2024
Literary Announcement: Zoe is out!
My new children's book, The Adventures of Zoe, the Flying Rhinoceros, is now available on Amazon.
My new children's book, The Adventures of Zoe, the Flying Rhinoceros, is now available on Amazon.
Monday, September 30, 2024
State of the Ape XXIX
Once more, thank you for your prayers.
Still not much news. No dizzies. Took a long walk the other day: about a mile (and was dead beat afterwards; but — no push, no progress).
Edwina 3 still moving very slowly, but not dead in the water. Zoe is getting close; the map is done, and so is the formatting in Vellum. Just waiting on the cover.
Everyone else is well.
And, just because I have them (and they’ll never see the light of day otherwise), I’ll be putting up selections from my store of clerihews written many years ago, when I was just beginning to scribble.
Humphrey Bogart
Gave a brilliant performance as Mozart
(Though the part was only a walk-on)
In The Viennese Falcon.
Benvenuto Cellini
Wore a beanie;
Although History says
He wore a fez.
Rutherford B. Hayes
Wandered about in a daze.
To his own consternation,
He faced imminent inauguration.
Once more, thank you for your prayers.
Still not much news. No dizzies. Took a long walk the other day: about a mile (and was dead beat afterwards; but — no push, no progress).
Edwina 3 still moving very slowly, but not dead in the water. Zoe is getting close; the map is done, and so is the formatting in Vellum. Just waiting on the cover.
Everyone else is well.
And, just because I have them (and they’ll never see the light of day otherwise), I’ll be putting up selections from my store of clerihews written many years ago, when I was just beginning to scribble.
Humphrey Bogart
Gave a brilliant performance as Mozart
(Though the part was only a walk-on)
In The Viennese Falcon.
Benvenuto Cellini
Wore a beanie;
Although History says
He wore a fez.
Rutherford B. Hayes
Wandered about in a daze.
To his own consternation,
He faced imminent inauguration.
Sunday, September 15, 2024
Anniversary
Today is our 34th wedding anniversary. I'm not a man of many words; all I can say is, I thank God for my wife every day, and marrying her was one of the best things I've ever done.
On a more mundane level, here are some pictures of the cards she has been making:
Today is our 34th wedding anniversary. I'm not a man of many words; all I can say is, I thank God for my wife every day, and marrying her was one of the best things I've ever done.
On a more mundane level, here are some pictures of the cards she has been making:
Saturday, August 31, 2024
State of the Ape XXVIII
Again, thank you for your prayers.
Not much news this month. No dizzies; taking longer walks.
I’m having a hard time with Edwina 3. I don’t know if it’s burnout, me dragging my heels, or just the Muse taking a break. I’d appreciate a few prayers on this subject as well.
The Bride and the girls are well. The Bride has started her second semester teaching. She’s also now heavily into crafting greeting cards.
Again, thank you for your prayers.
Not much news this month. No dizzies; taking longer walks.
I’m having a hard time with Edwina 3. I don’t know if it’s burnout, me dragging my heels, or just the Muse taking a break. I’d appreciate a few prayers on this subject as well.
The Bride and the girls are well. The Bride has started her second semester teaching. She’s also now heavily into crafting greeting cards.
Thursday, August 15, 2024
Friday, July 26, 2024
State of the Ape XXVII
Once more, thank you for your prayers.
I finally got my blood work done. My PSA went up for the third time in a row, this time taking a big jump from 0.16 to 0.356. On an absolute scale, this is not a big deal yet, since any below 4.0 is considered normal; but it does look like things are starting to go south again. I saw my oncologist today and she said we’ll keep up the current treatments.
On a brighter side, my ENT doctor seems to have put the kibosh on my vertigo for the time being; no attacks in over a month.
We’re getting closer still with Zoe. I’ve gotten preliminary sketches for the cover illustration and the interior map and they look very good.
I’ve FINISHED revising Edwina 2! The next step is to get the cover illustration and a map for that book. I restarted Edwina 3, The Last Earl of Fenshire. I can salvage some of the incomplete first draft, but there’s a lot of rewriting and rethinking to be done, so it’s almost like starting from scratch.
Once more, thank you for your prayers.
I finally got my blood work done. My PSA went up for the third time in a row, this time taking a big jump from 0.16 to 0.356. On an absolute scale, this is not a big deal yet, since any below 4.0 is considered normal; but it does look like things are starting to go south again. I saw my oncologist today and she said we’ll keep up the current treatments.
On a brighter side, my ENT doctor seems to have put the kibosh on my vertigo for the time being; no attacks in over a month.
We’re getting closer still with Zoe. I’ve gotten preliminary sketches for the cover illustration and the interior map and they look very good.
I’ve FINISHED revising Edwina 2! The next step is to get the cover illustration and a map for that book. I restarted Edwina 3, The Last Earl of Fenshire. I can salvage some of the incomplete first draft, but there’s a lot of rewriting and rethinking to be done, so it’s almost like starting from scratch.
Sunday, July 07, 2024
Literary Announcement
I have a short story in the just-published anthology, Pirate Legends, from Dragon Soul Press.
Another short story will be appearing in their Crime Wave anthology, coming out in October.
I have a short story in the just-published anthology, Pirate Legends, from Dragon Soul Press.
Another short story will be appearing in their Crime Wave anthology, coming out in October.
Saturday, June 29, 2024
State of the Ape XXVI
As always, thank you for your prayers.
My blood work had to be rescheduled to July, so we don’t yet know what my PSA is doing. The skin cancer surgery on June 10 went off without a hitch; the stiches have dissolved and there’s little trace left. We haven’t heard from the dental clinic about my crown; we’ll have to call and ask.
Since my trip to the hospital on May 12 I’ve had 5 more serious attacks of vertigo, the last a week ago. We went to my ENT doctor on June 21: he thinks there’s a fluid buildup in my right ear (the one affected by Ménière's disease). He put me on a course of prednisone, upped my betahistine dose, and prescribed a nasal spray. We’ll see what happens. Just to be on the safe side, I’m limiting my computer time; there seems to be some evidence that (a) scrolling and (b) switching focus between windows triggers the attacks.
I went for a short walk today, for the first time this month.
I’m working on the FINAL final revisions for Edwina 2, which involves going through the book using Word’s read-aloud feature. I’ve gotten through 11 chapters so far and am surprised at how much tweaking still needed to be done.
The cover for Zoe is underway; also a map of the imaginary lands where her adventures take place.
Our older daughter finally graduated from community college with her Associates degree.
The Bride has started her third Harbor Cove book. She’s also resumed crafting, as (a) it’s something she can do while taking care of me when I’m incapacitated with the dizzies, and (b) she can make a little money selling the finished products. Finally, she’ll be teaching again in the fall and has been given a bit of a raise.
As always, thank you for your prayers.
My blood work had to be rescheduled to July, so we don’t yet know what my PSA is doing. The skin cancer surgery on June 10 went off without a hitch; the stiches have dissolved and there’s little trace left. We haven’t heard from the dental clinic about my crown; we’ll have to call and ask.
Since my trip to the hospital on May 12 I’ve had 5 more serious attacks of vertigo, the last a week ago. We went to my ENT doctor on June 21: he thinks there’s a fluid buildup in my right ear (the one affected by Ménière's disease). He put me on a course of prednisone, upped my betahistine dose, and prescribed a nasal spray. We’ll see what happens. Just to be on the safe side, I’m limiting my computer time; there seems to be some evidence that (a) scrolling and (b) switching focus between windows triggers the attacks.
I went for a short walk today, for the first time this month.
I’m working on the FINAL final revisions for Edwina 2, which involves going through the book using Word’s read-aloud feature. I’ve gotten through 11 chapters so far and am surprised at how much tweaking still needed to be done.
The cover for Zoe is underway; also a map of the imaginary lands where her adventures take place.
Our older daughter finally graduated from community college with her Associates degree.
The Bride has started her third Harbor Cove book. She’s also resumed crafting, as (a) it’s something she can do while taking care of me when I’m incapacitated with the dizzies, and (b) she can make a little money selling the finished products. Finally, she’ll be teaching again in the fall and has been given a bit of a raise.
Wednesday, May 22, 2024
State of the Ape XXV: Two Years Later
Two years ago today I was diagnosed with advanced prostate cancer. Thanks be to God, Who has been moved by your prayers — for which I am eternally grateful — I’m still here, still with my family, and still writing.
More health news than usual:
AFAIK, the cancer is still in remission. We’ll know more when I get my quarterly blood work done at the end of June. I’m getting closer to the end of my dental work: they put in a temporary crown today and I should get the permanent one in 2-3 weeks.
After a year free of major vertigo, it decided to come roaring back. I had my worst attack ever on the 12th. (Those who don’t need TMI can skip to the next paragraph.) It started at 3 PM. At first I thought it was just another recurrence of the mild episodes I’d been having lately; but it steadily worsened, with the room spinning, acute nausea, and repeated vomiting. After 8 hours with no letup (previous attacks had always lasted no more than 6 or 7 hours), we decided to call 911 (almost the first words from the EMT’s mouth were, “Why didn’t you call earlier?”). Despite doses of a drug supposed to counteract them, the nausea and vomiting continued on the way to the hospital, in the ER, before the CAT scan, after the CAT scan (mercifully, not during the CAT scan, and back to the ER. Finally I was given a shot of valium and — BOOM! — they went away.
On a more pleasant note, the Catholic chaplain visited me, heard my confession, and gave me the Eucharist and the Anointing of the Sick.
Upshot: I was in the ER Sunday night into Monday; they decided to keep me for observation and an MRI, so I was moved to a room. The vertigo never came back (Deo gratia!) and I was discharged Tuesday morning.
The aftereffects are: one, I’ve lost a lot of ground, strengthwise — it’s all I can do to take the shortest of my regular walks; and two, I’ve had a recurrence of another intermittent problem, positional vertigo (different from that caused by Ménière's disease), Fortunately, it does not usually cause nausea, and meclizine can be taken for this kind also. [UPDATE: No, it can't. Good thing I found out.]
Finally (I know I’m rambling on dreadfully, but it’s a commonplace that old people will talk about their health at the drop of a hat), I went to a dermatologist about a small growth on my face and it was diagnosed as basal cell skin cancer (not related to the prostate cancer; probably due to overexposure to sunlight when I was much younger). What impressed me was the complete nonchalance — in a good way — of the doctor: basically, “Hi there, it’s skin cancer, I’ll just take my laser and remove the growth, come back in a few weeks and we’ll dig out the rest of it.” It was like taking a car to the shop for a broken headlight. I love modern medicine.
OK — ENOUGH about my health.
The cover for The Adventures of Zoe, the Flying Rhinoceros, will be done by the same artist who did the cover for Murder at Minstrel Manor.
I’m almost done with the revisions to Edwina 2; I hope to have them done in — let’s just say soon — and then it’s on to Edwina 3, which I’ll probably have to start over.
Plus, maybe trying to turn out another short story or two.
Hope you’re well — God bless you.
Two years ago today I was diagnosed with advanced prostate cancer. Thanks be to God, Who has been moved by your prayers — for which I am eternally grateful — I’m still here, still with my family, and still writing.
More health news than usual:
AFAIK, the cancer is still in remission. We’ll know more when I get my quarterly blood work done at the end of June. I’m getting closer to the end of my dental work: they put in a temporary crown today and I should get the permanent one in 2-3 weeks.
After a year free of major vertigo, it decided to come roaring back. I had my worst attack ever on the 12th. (Those who don’t need TMI can skip to the next paragraph.) It started at 3 PM. At first I thought it was just another recurrence of the mild episodes I’d been having lately; but it steadily worsened, with the room spinning, acute nausea, and repeated vomiting. After 8 hours with no letup (previous attacks had always lasted no more than 6 or 7 hours), we decided to call 911 (almost the first words from the EMT’s mouth were, “Why didn’t you call earlier?”). Despite doses of a drug supposed to counteract them, the nausea and vomiting continued on the way to the hospital, in the ER, before the CAT scan, after the CAT scan (mercifully, not during the CAT scan, and back to the ER. Finally I was given a shot of valium and — BOOM! — they went away.
On a more pleasant note, the Catholic chaplain visited me, heard my confession, and gave me the Eucharist and the Anointing of the Sick.
Upshot: I was in the ER Sunday night into Monday; they decided to keep me for observation and an MRI, so I was moved to a room. The vertigo never came back (Deo gratia!) and I was discharged Tuesday morning.
The aftereffects are: one, I’ve lost a lot of ground, strengthwise — it’s all I can do to take the shortest of my regular walks; and two, I’ve had a recurrence of another intermittent problem, positional vertigo (different from that caused by Ménière's disease), Fortunately, it does not usually cause nausea, and meclizine can be taken for this kind also. [UPDATE: No, it can't. Good thing I found out.]
Finally (I know I’m rambling on dreadfully, but it’s a commonplace that old people will talk about their health at the drop of a hat), I went to a dermatologist about a small growth on my face and it was diagnosed as basal cell skin cancer (not related to the prostate cancer; probably due to overexposure to sunlight when I was much younger). What impressed me was the complete nonchalance — in a good way — of the doctor: basically, “Hi there, it’s skin cancer, I’ll just take my laser and remove the growth, come back in a few weeks and we’ll dig out the rest of it.” It was like taking a car to the shop for a broken headlight. I love modern medicine.
OK — ENOUGH about my health.
The cover for The Adventures of Zoe, the Flying Rhinoceros, will be done by the same artist who did the cover for Murder at Minstrel Manor.
I’m almost done with the revisions to Edwina 2; I hope to have them done in — let’s just say soon — and then it’s on to Edwina 3, which I’ll probably have to start over.
Plus, maybe trying to turn out another short story or two.
Hope you’re well — God bless you.
Friday, April 26, 2024
State of the Ape XXIV: A Birthday and a Blogiversary
As always, thank you for your prayers.
I turn 68 today; perhaps more memorable, though, is that Trousered Ape turns 20. I should say something profound about blogging; but, as I said before, my mind doesn’t work that way. At the very least, it has provided a platform for some of my lighter scribblings; it has, I believe, played a not inconsiderable part in turning me into a published writer; and, most importantly, it has acquainted me with some very nice people.
My root canal is finished (yay!). Of course, there’s still the crown, and some other stuff.
Had some more mild dizzies, but nothing serious. When one hits, I take a meclizine and lie still and, hopefully, sleep for a bit: that seems to work.
After much travail, the Bride’s second Harbor Cove book, Home is Where the Heart Is, is out. In other news, her first semester as an adjunct professor is over. It went very well, and she has students lined up for the fall.
For my own part, the Zoe stories are done (not too bad an accomplishment: 13 stories, total about 64,000 words, in just under 2 years, while revising two novels and dealing with assorted health issues). Once I find a cover illustrator (alas, the one who did Unexpected Tales is no longer active), I can put those out. Meanwhile, I’ve started work on final revisions to Edwina 2.
I submitted the short story mentioned in my last post at 6:42 PM on 3/31. At 2:42 PM on 4/1 I got an email that it had been accepted (!).
As always, thank you for your prayers.
I turn 68 today; perhaps more memorable, though, is that Trousered Ape turns 20. I should say something profound about blogging; but, as I said before, my mind doesn’t work that way. At the very least, it has provided a platform for some of my lighter scribblings; it has, I believe, played a not inconsiderable part in turning me into a published writer; and, most importantly, it has acquainted me with some very nice people.
My root canal is finished (yay!). Of course, there’s still the crown, and some other stuff.
Had some more mild dizzies, but nothing serious. When one hits, I take a meclizine and lie still and, hopefully, sleep for a bit: that seems to work.
After much travail, the Bride’s second Harbor Cove book, Home is Where the Heart Is, is out. In other news, her first semester as an adjunct professor is over. It went very well, and she has students lined up for the fall.
For my own part, the Zoe stories are done (not too bad an accomplishment: 13 stories, total about 64,000 words, in just under 2 years, while revising two novels and dealing with assorted health issues). Once I find a cover illustrator (alas, the one who did Unexpected Tales is no longer active), I can put those out. Meanwhile, I’ve started work on final revisions to Edwina 2.
I submitted the short story mentioned in my last post at 6:42 PM on 3/31. At 2:42 PM on 4/1 I got an email that it had been accepted (!).
Sunday, March 31, 2024
State of the Ape XXIII
HAPPY EASTER! HE IS RISEN!
Thank you all for your prayers.
No visits to the dentist this month. It’s amazing what you can get used to (when there’s no alternative).
More blood work this month. Everything was perfectly normal (except glucose, which was a little high; but it’s always been a little high, and it’s actually dropped two times in a row). My PSA went up again from 0.12 to 0.16, but my oncologist still says not to worry.
The dizzies have kept off.
I finished Zoe 13 (hooray!) and am now in the process of revising all 13 stories, which mostly involves removing inconsistencies and doing rewrites to earlier stories to tie them forward. So, we’re getting close.
I got stuck during the Zoe revisions on Monday 3/25, so put them on hold while I reworked an old short story for an anthology call I stumbled upon, just making the deadline by 5 hours and 18 minutes.
The Murder at Minstrel Manor launch has been a little rocky. Amazon wouldn’t display the paperback at the list price of $13.99; only 3rd-party sellers trying to gouge the public with prices of $23 and up. I finally resolved it by uploading a paperback edition directly to Amazon.
HAPPY EASTER! HE IS RISEN!
Thank you all for your prayers.
No visits to the dentist this month. It’s amazing what you can get used to (when there’s no alternative).
More blood work this month. Everything was perfectly normal (except glucose, which was a little high; but it’s always been a little high, and it’s actually dropped two times in a row). My PSA went up again from 0.12 to 0.16, but my oncologist still says not to worry.
The dizzies have kept off.
I finished Zoe 13 (hooray!) and am now in the process of revising all 13 stories, which mostly involves removing inconsistencies and doing rewrites to earlier stories to tie them forward. So, we’re getting close.
I got stuck during the Zoe revisions on Monday 3/25, so put them on hold while I reworked an old short story for an anthology call I stumbled upon, just making the deadline by 5 hours and 18 minutes.
The Murder at Minstrel Manor launch has been a little rocky. Amazon wouldn’t display the paperback at the list price of $13.99; only 3rd-party sellers trying to gouge the public with prices of $23 and up. I finally resolved it by uploading a paperback edition directly to Amazon.
Saturday, March 02, 2024
Big Literary Announcement!
Murder at Minstrel Manor is now available on Amazon and Barnes & Noble.
Note: At the moment, only the Kindle is on Amazon; the paperback should be along later.
Update (9:02 PM): The paperback is now on Amazon as well.
Murder at Minstrel Manor is now available on Amazon and Barnes & Noble.
Note: At the moment, only the Kindle is on Amazon; the paperback should be along later.
Update (9:02 PM): The paperback is now on Amazon as well.
Thursday, February 29, 2024
State of the Ape XXII
Thank you all for your prayers.
Up and down, up and down… My dentist was supposed to start working on the crown today, but since my last visit I lost a filling from another tooth, so he had to begin fixing that instead.
On the other hand, however, I’ve had no more attacks of vertigo. Also, the day before yesterday I went for my longest walk since the cancer diagnosis: about 2/3 of a mile. Tired afterwards, but not exhausted.
I got a plot for Zoe 12; after struggling with it for most of February, the Muse came back and I finished it on the 25th. I’ve started work on Zoe 13, the last story of the set.
And big news: Murder at Minstrel Manor is on the way! I got the cover and the book has been uploaded to IngramSpark. There’s been a glitch with the digital proof, so it won’t be out for a little while yet; hopefully some time in the next two weeks.
Thank you all for your prayers.
Up and down, up and down… My dentist was supposed to start working on the crown today, but since my last visit I lost a filling from another tooth, so he had to begin fixing that instead.
On the other hand, however, I’ve had no more attacks of vertigo. Also, the day before yesterday I went for my longest walk since the cancer diagnosis: about 2/3 of a mile. Tired afterwards, but not exhausted.
I got a plot for Zoe 12; after struggling with it for most of February, the Muse came back and I finished it on the 25th. I’ve started work on Zoe 13, the last story of the set.
And big news: Murder at Minstrel Manor is on the way! I got the cover and the book has been uploaded to IngramSpark. There’s been a glitch with the digital proof, so it won’t be out for a little while yet; hopefully some time in the next two weeks.
Wednesday, January 31, 2024
State of the Ape XXI
Thank you all for your prayers.
The root canal is finally done. They still have to put in a crown, which means at least 3 more visits, but meanwhile I have my entire mouth back.
To balance this, however, my vertigo seems to have returned: two episodes last week. I guess the universe has sharp ears.
Murder at Minstrel Manor is not yet ready. The cover designer has been dealing with the curveballs of life, which have gotten in the way of work. Please pray for her.
I’ve been slowly groping towards a plot for Zoe 12.
The Bride and the girls are well. So far, the Bride’s new job is working out.
All in all, a very quiet month. (A month? 2024 just started and already it’s 1/12th gone?)
Thank you all for your prayers.
The root canal is finally done. They still have to put in a crown, which means at least 3 more visits, but meanwhile I have my entire mouth back.
To balance this, however, my vertigo seems to have returned: two episodes last week. I guess the universe has sharp ears.
Murder at Minstrel Manor is not yet ready. The cover designer has been dealing with the curveballs of life, which have gotten in the way of work. Please pray for her.
I’ve been slowly groping towards a plot for Zoe 12.
The Bride and the girls are well. So far, the Bride’s new job is working out.
All in all, a very quiet month. (A month? 2024 just started and already it’s 1/12th gone?)
Sunday, December 31, 2023
State of the Ape XX: The Year in Review
Thank you all for your prayers.
My cancer is still in remission. My PSA went up from 0.08 to 0.12, but my oncologist says not to worry (note that anything under 2.0 is normal). I’m still exercising, going for walks, and getting a little stronger; and eagerly anticipating the completion of my root canal next month.
We celebrated our second Christmas since the diagnosis; for which we are most thankful, seeing as at the time we weren’t sure I’d make it to the first. Laudate Deo!
(sotto voce, in case the universe is listening) I have not been dizzy since May.
I finished Zoe 10 in November and Zoe 11 this month; after which the Muse decided to take a Christmas vacation. I’m waiting for her to come back and give me a plot for Zoe 12.
So: In 2023: 1. I survived. 2. I finished rewriting and revising Edwina 1, Murder at Minstrel Manor, and arranged for the cover, maps, and plans, which are almost done. 3. I finished rewriting Edwina 2, There Will Be Murder Done, and got it through beta reading. 4. I wrote seven Zoe stories. 5. Apart from the incidents in October my health has been good. 6. My prayer life has, I think, improved. 7. I got a lot of old sins off my conscience.
Also, 8: The Bride landed a job at our local community college. She’ll be teaching two courses, one on how to self-publish, and one on how to try to get traditionally published. She had taken both courses herself a couple of years ago; the teacher is retiring and enthusiastically recommended the Bride as her replacement.
All in all, 2023 was a pretty good year for us. Here’s hoping 2024 is also good.
HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Thank you all for your prayers.
My cancer is still in remission. My PSA went up from 0.08 to 0.12, but my oncologist says not to worry (note that anything under 2.0 is normal). I’m still exercising, going for walks, and getting a little stronger; and eagerly anticipating the completion of my root canal next month.
We celebrated our second Christmas since the diagnosis; for which we are most thankful, seeing as at the time we weren’t sure I’d make it to the first. Laudate Deo!
(sotto voce, in case the universe is listening) I have not been dizzy since May.
I finished Zoe 10 in November and Zoe 11 this month; after which the Muse decided to take a Christmas vacation. I’m waiting for her to come back and give me a plot for Zoe 12.
So: In 2023: 1. I survived. 2. I finished rewriting and revising Edwina 1, Murder at Minstrel Manor, and arranged for the cover, maps, and plans, which are almost done. 3. I finished rewriting Edwina 2, There Will Be Murder Done, and got it through beta reading. 4. I wrote seven Zoe stories. 5. Apart from the incidents in October my health has been good. 6. My prayer life has, I think, improved. 7. I got a lot of old sins off my conscience.
Also, 8: The Bride landed a job at our local community college. She’ll be teaching two courses, one on how to self-publish, and one on how to try to get traditionally published. She had taken both courses herself a couple of years ago; the teacher is retiring and enthusiastically recommended the Bride as her replacement.
All in all, 2023 was a pretty good year for us. Here’s hoping 2024 is also good.
HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Wednesday, November 22, 2023
State of the Ape XIX
Thank you for your prayers.
I’ve been improving this past month: exercising, going for walks, and getting a little stronger. The biggest problem I have right now is dental: I was two-thirds of the way through a root canal when I went into the hospital. When I came out I was on the blood thinner; the dentist won’t work on the tooth while I’m on it; and the pulmonary specialist says I can’t go off it, even for a day, until January. So for several months I have to eat with just one side of my mouth so as not to disturb the packing in the tooth on the other side. (Of course, as crosses to bear go, this is somewhere between a toothpick and a Q-tip.)
It's been a year and a half now since I was diagnosed with cancer. So far (thanks be to God and, again, your prayers), things have gone remarkably well. May they continue. I get my PSA checked again towards the end of December; we’ll see what happens.
I’m writing regularly again. I’m concentrating on the Zoe stories right now. I finished Zoe 9 on the tenth and am now a little more than halfway through Zoe 10. The cover for Murder at Minstrel Manor is making good progress and the book may come out early next year.
Happy Thanksgiving!
Thank you for your prayers.
I’ve been improving this past month: exercising, going for walks, and getting a little stronger. The biggest problem I have right now is dental: I was two-thirds of the way through a root canal when I went into the hospital. When I came out I was on the blood thinner; the dentist won’t work on the tooth while I’m on it; and the pulmonary specialist says I can’t go off it, even for a day, until January. So for several months I have to eat with just one side of my mouth so as not to disturb the packing in the tooth on the other side. (Of course, as crosses to bear go, this is somewhere between a toothpick and a Q-tip.)
It's been a year and a half now since I was diagnosed with cancer. So far (thanks be to God and, again, your prayers), things have gone remarkably well. May they continue. I get my PSA checked again towards the end of December; we’ll see what happens.
I’m writing regularly again. I’m concentrating on the Zoe stories right now. I finished Zoe 9 on the tenth and am now a little more than halfway through Zoe 10. The cover for Murder at Minstrel Manor is making good progress and the book may come out early next year.
Happy Thanksgiving!
Wednesday, October 18, 2023
State of the Ape XVIII
It occurs to me (belatedly; everything occurs to me belatedly) that I have been remiss in not thanking all of you for your prayers. I should be doing that in every update, for it is because of you that I’m still around to post another one. So thank you all very much.
It was no doubt your prayers that got me through the latest episode of “Hey, Bob, Let’s See What Else Can Go Haywire!” The Friday before last (this would have been the 6th) I started feeling weak and feverish, and developed pains in my left side. They got worse and late Saturday, coming out of the bathroom, I collapsed. The Bride called 911 and I got whisked off to the ER, where a CAT scan revealed blood clots in my left lung, causing a pulmonary embolism, and a touch of pneumonia as well. Further scans revealed clots in my legs as well. Thanks be to God, none of it was really serious and I was allowed to go home on the Monday. Long-term I should be OK, but I’ll be on a blood thinner the rest of my life.
Not surprisingly, this has put a bit of a crimp in my writing. I’d finished a first draft of Zoe 8 and had just started Zoe 9 before I went in. I haven’t been up to much since then until yesterday, when I began some final tinkering on the former.
I would be especially grateful for prayers that I can keep on writing. There's so much still to do.
It occurs to me (belatedly; everything occurs to me belatedly) that I have been remiss in not thanking all of you for your prayers. I should be doing that in every update, for it is because of you that I’m still around to post another one. So thank you all very much.
It was no doubt your prayers that got me through the latest episode of “Hey, Bob, Let’s See What Else Can Go Haywire!” The Friday before last (this would have been the 6th) I started feeling weak and feverish, and developed pains in my left side. They got worse and late Saturday, coming out of the bathroom, I collapsed. The Bride called 911 and I got whisked off to the ER, where a CAT scan revealed blood clots in my left lung, causing a pulmonary embolism, and a touch of pneumonia as well. Further scans revealed clots in my legs as well. Thanks be to God, none of it was really serious and I was allowed to go home on the Monday. Long-term I should be OK, but I’ll be on a blood thinner the rest of my life.
Not surprisingly, this has put a bit of a crimp in my writing. I’d finished a first draft of Zoe 8 and had just started Zoe 9 before I went in. I haven’t been up to much since then until yesterday, when I began some final tinkering on the former.
I would be especially grateful for prayers that I can keep on writing. There's so much still to do.
Sunday, September 24, 2023
State of the Ape XVII
The cancer still seems to be in remission; I got my 3-month blood work done and my PSA dropped again from 0.13 to 0.08. Everything else seems to be OK, except for glucose, which is a little high, but holding steady.
I’ve been hearing back from beta readers about There Will Be Murder Done. Nobody seems to have found any major flaws so far. Still waiting on the cover for Murder at Minstrel Manor. Meanwhile, I’m rebooting Edwina 3, The Last Earl of Fenshire.
The reading from Unexpected Tales from A to Z at Barnes & Noble last Sunday went off without a hitch. They weren’t exactly storming the place, but I did get to read a couple of the stories (in each case to an audience of one, plus parents), and I did sell two books (grossing $19.14 – woo-hoo!). At any rate, my name is slowly getting out there (one of the Bride’s friends just bought a couple for her grandchildren). They said I could come back any time; hopefully next time I’ll have Zoe the Flying Rhinoceros as well. Speaking of Zoe, I finished #7 and am in the middle of #8. #9 (finally!) will be the Pig and Turnip War. I have an idea for #10, and also for #13, which will conclude the series (unless I have a brilliant idea before then), so that just leaves 11 and 12.
The cancer still seems to be in remission; I got my 3-month blood work done and my PSA dropped again from 0.13 to 0.08. Everything else seems to be OK, except for glucose, which is a little high, but holding steady.
I’ve been hearing back from beta readers about There Will Be Murder Done. Nobody seems to have found any major flaws so far. Still waiting on the cover for Murder at Minstrel Manor. Meanwhile, I’m rebooting Edwina 3, The Last Earl of Fenshire.
The reading from Unexpected Tales from A to Z at Barnes & Noble last Sunday went off without a hitch. They weren’t exactly storming the place, but I did get to read a couple of the stories (in each case to an audience of one, plus parents), and I did sell two books (grossing $19.14 – woo-hoo!). At any rate, my name is slowly getting out there (one of the Bride’s friends just bought a couple for her grandchildren). They said I could come back any time; hopefully next time I’ll have Zoe the Flying Rhinoceros as well. Speaking of Zoe, I finished #7 and am in the middle of #8. #9 (finally!) will be the Pig and Turnip War. I have an idea for #10, and also for #13, which will conclude the series (unless I have a brilliant idea before then), so that just leaves 11 and 12.
Thursday, August 24, 2023
State of the Ape XVI
Regarding my health: The betahistine seems finally to be kicking in; I haven't had a vertigo attack since May 3, and I haven't had a serious symptom (apart from the hearing loss, which is permanent) since June 26. I’m going for walks more often, and pushing myself a bit to go for longer ones. Everything else is pretty much the same (thanks be to God).Regarding my writing: There Will Be Murder Done is ready to go to beta readers! Still waiting on the cover for Murder at Minstrel Manor; I've taken the opportunity to do a few last tweaks.AND I'm scheduled to do a reading from Unexpected Tales from A to Z at our local Barnes & Noble on September 17.
Monday, July 24, 2023
State of the Ape XV
Regarding my health: no news is good news.
Regarding my writing: I’m almost done with the third pass of revisions to There Will Be Murder Done. It should be ready to go to beta readers sometime next month (DV).
I started the seventh Zoe story, tentatively titled Zoe vs. Mecha-Zoe (a little shout-out to Godzilla there).
Regarding my health: no news is good news.
Regarding my writing: I’m almost done with the third pass of revisions to There Will Be Murder Done. It should be ready to go to beta readers sometime next month (DV).
I started the seventh Zoe story, tentatively titled Zoe vs. Mecha-Zoe (a little shout-out to Godzilla there).
Sunday, June 25, 2023
State of the Ape XIV
Healthwise, the news is still good. I had blood work done on Friday and my PSA managed to go down again: it was 0.13. I’m going for walks again. More importantly, I’m able to get to Mass again. Speaking of which, the Bride’s godson was ordained a priest last month and assigned to our parish; we attended his very first Mass yesterday (he did very well).
The cover for Murder at Minstrel Manor is progressing more slowly than I had anticipated, but we’re getting there. I’ve gotten well into revising There Will Be Murder Done. And we hope to meet with someone at the Barnes & Noble where the Bride has been doing book signings, to see about me doing a reading of Unexpected Tales.
The Storm Queen, amid a cloud of angst, applied for a job and had her interview this past week. Alas, when the details came out, it proved to be a poor fit and she withdrew her name from consideration.
The Bride is trying to finish her current novel but is hampered by a balky Muse and a load of responsibilities.
And, finally, the blogroll has been given a loooooong overdue update.
Healthwise, the news is still good. I had blood work done on Friday and my PSA managed to go down again: it was 0.13. I’m going for walks again. More importantly, I’m able to get to Mass again. Speaking of which, the Bride’s godson was ordained a priest last month and assigned to our parish; we attended his very first Mass yesterday (he did very well).
The cover for Murder at Minstrel Manor is progressing more slowly than I had anticipated, but we’re getting there. I’ve gotten well into revising There Will Be Murder Done. And we hope to meet with someone at the Barnes & Noble where the Bride has been doing book signings, to see about me doing a reading of Unexpected Tales.
The Storm Queen, amid a cloud of angst, applied for a job and had her interview this past week. Alas, when the details came out, it proved to be a poor fit and she withdrew her name from consideration.
The Bride is trying to finish her current novel but is hampered by a balky Muse and a load of responsibilities.
And, finally, the blogroll has been given a loooooong overdue update.
Tuesday, June 06, 2023
There's a Shoggoth on the Roof
It's been a long time since I did anything just for giggles. The following was inspired by this little item on YouTube.
IT WAS A beautiful summer morning in legend-haunted Arkham. Little Howard Pickman woke up early and decided to go outside and play.
For a while he pretended to be a Deep One and ran back and forth making swimming motions and saying “glub-glub, glub-glub.” Then he pretended to be a ghoul and crouched, glibbering and meeping and gnawing on an imaginary thigh bone.
Suddenly an eldritch feeling ran down his spine and he smelled a nameless fetor. He looked about but saw nothing. Then he looked up, and there was a shoggoth on the roof!
Little Howard looked at the shoggoth with his two eyes and the shoggoth looked back with its twelve eyes — and then its seven eyes — and then its three eyes — and then its twenty-six eyes — until Howard grew quite dizzy counting them.
He ran back inside, rushed up the stairs, knocked on the bedroom door of his sister Keziah and went in. She was still asleep. He poked her and poked her until she woke up.
“There’s a shoggoth on the roof!” cried Howard.
“Pull the other one,” replied Keziah, who had no manners early in the morning. She rolled over and went back to sleep.
So Howard went to the bedroom door of his parents and knocked and went in. First he went to the side of the bed where his mother Asenath was sleeping and poked her and poked her until she woke up.
“Mommy, there’s a shoggoth on the roof!” cried Howard.
His mother looked at the clock. “It’s only six-thirty, Howie. Be a good little boy and let your mother sleep and I’ll scramble you a nice Shantak egg for your breakfast.” And she rolled over and went back to sleep.
So Howard went to the side of the bed where his father Edward was sleeping and poked him and poked him until he woke up.
“Daddy, there’s a shoggoth on the roof!” cried Howard.
“Really?” said his father. “Let me see.” And he got up and put on a bathrobe and slippers and went downstairs and outside with Howard and looked up. The shoggoth was still there.
“Hmmm,” said Howard’s father (whom we shall call Mr. Pickman, because that’s his name). “This is a problem.”
“Can we keep it?” asked Howard.
“I’m afraid not,” replied Mr. Pickman. “The neighbors will complain about the nameless fetor.”
“What shall we do then?”
“I suppose we should call 9-1-1.”
So they went back inside and Mr. Pickman found his cell phone and called 9-1-1. “Hello?” he said. “This is Edmund Pickman calling from 13 Parsonage Street in legend-haunted Arkham. There’s a shoggoth on our roof. Can someone please come and take it away?” After a minute he put down the phone.
“What did they say?”
“They just uttered a maniacal cachinnation and hung up.”
“Oh.”
“I know. I’ll call my friend Professor Armitage at Miskatonic University.” And he took up his phone again and called Professor Armitage.
“Hello, Hank. This is Eddie Pickman.”
“Do you realize it’s not even seven?” Professor Armitage hadn’t had his coffee yet and was grouchy in consequence.
“There’s a shoggoth on our roof.”
“Suuure, there is.”
“No, really,” said Mr. Pickman. “I’ll show you.” He went back outside and took a picture of the shoggoth and emailed it to Professor Armitage.
“Well I’ll be jiggered,” said Professor Armitage after looking at the picture. “But why are you calling me? Why not call 9-1-1?”
“I did,” said Mr. Pickman. “They cachinnated maniacally and hung up.”
“Tsk, tsk,” said Professor Armitage. “Meet me at the library in half an hour.”
So Mr. Pickman and Howard got dressed and left their house. They walked north up Parsonage Street, turned left at the Witch House and walked along College Street for few blocks, then turned right and crossed the coed-haunted campus of Miskatonic University to the Ephraim Waite Library. There they found Professor Armitage.
“What do you want me to do, Eddie?” asked the professor.
“Get the shoggoth OFF our roof.”
“I don’t know how.”
“Well, who does?”
“Shoggoths come from Antarctica, don’t they? I’ll call Professor Dyer. He’s been there.” Professor Armitage took out his phone. Then he hesitated.
“The problem is, the professor is a little touchy about shoggoths. Mention them to him and he flies into a passion and then starts to cachinnate like a maniac. Still, maybe this is one of his good days…” And he called Professor Dyer.
“Hello, Bill? This is Hank Armitage. A friend of mine has a problem: he has a shoggoth on his roof and I was wondering —”
“A shoggoth on his roof?” replied Professor Dyer, flying into a passion. “Well, that’s just peachy! I warned the Starkweather-Moore expedition, but did they listen? Oh, nooooo! They just had to go to Antarctica and poke around! So of course they found a shoggoth and they brought it back with them and it’s escaped! I hope they’re happy now! Ha ha ha ha ha ha HA HA HA —”
Professor Armitage quickly ended the call. “It’s not one of his good days. We’ll have to do this on our own.”
“Why can’t we call the Starkweather-Moore people?” asked Mr. Pickman.
“They went deep-sea diving in the Pacific last year and never came back,” replied Professor Armitage. “Let’s go to the Forbidden Books Room.”
So they went to the Forbidden Books Room. Professor Armitage turned off the alarms, locked the trapdoor over the deadfall, and disconnected the trigger to the nets hanging overhead.
“We’ve had to be careful,” he said. “You wouldn’t believe how many cultists try to sneak in… Oh my goodness! I almost forgot the tear gas.”
He unlocked the iron bars that protected the bookshelves and took out a huge, musty, worm-eaten tome. “Let’s see what the Necronomicon has to say.”
Time passed.
“No good,” said the professor, returning the Necronomicon to its place. “Let’s try the Liber Ivonis.”
But that was no good either; nor were the Unaussprechlichen Kulten of von Junzt, Ludvig Prinn’s De Vermis Mysteriis, and the Pnakotic Manuscript.
“If all else fails, we can try Wikipedia,” said Professor Armitage, poking about the shelves.
Mr. Pickman and Howard both groaned.
“Wait!” cried the professor. “What’s this?” And he took down a huge, musty, yellow-and-black tome. “Of course! Why didn’t I think of it before?” He showed it to them. On the cover were the words De Loquendi Linguam Shoggothum pro Stultis.
“What does it mean?” asked Howard.
“Roughly translated, Speaking Shoggoth for Dummies,” replied Professor Armitage. “Let’s go.”
They returned to 13 Parsonage Street, Professor Armitage reading as they went along. The shoggoth was still on the roof.
“Fweet!” whistled the professor. “That’s ‘Hello,’” he said aside to Howard and Mr. Pickman.
“Fweet! Fweet!” whistled the shoggoth in reply. (“Hello yourself.”)
“Tweet-twee.” (“Will you get off the roof?”)
“Twee-twee-fweet.” (“Why the hell should I?”)
“Fweet-TWEE-tweet.” (“Get off or else!”)
“FWEET-fweet-FWEET-fweet.” (“Oh, yeah? Go ahead and try. I’ll suck your head off!”)
The shoggoth grew a couple of tentacles and extended them downward.
The professor ostentatiously patted one of his pockets.
“TWEEEEEEET!” he whistled (“I’ve got an Elder Sign and I’m not afraid to use it!”)
The shoggoth withdrew the tentacles, grew a mouth, and smiled ruefully.
“Fwee-fweet-fweet-tweet,” it replied. (“All right, let’s not get hasty and do something we’ll both regret.”)
“Fweet-fweet-tweet-tweet-TWEE-fwee-burble.” The shoggoth came down from the roof and grew a hand and proffered it to Professor Armitage. He took it and the two walked and slithered hand-in-hand out to Parsonage Street. They turned right and went along until they came to the Miskatonic River. The shoggoth oozed down the bank, waved goodbye, and plunged into the ebon waters.
“What did you say?” asked Howard.
“I suggested it would be much happier in the fish-haunted Miskatonic… Let’s go find someplace to eat. I haven’t had any breakfast.”
“Come back to our place,” said Mr. Pickman. So they went back to the Pickman house, where Asenath scrambled the highly-flavored eggs of the rumored Shantak-bird for all of them and Keziah complained that they’d let her sleep through all the excitement and Howard gave her a kick under the table.
THE END
It's been a long time since I did anything just for giggles. The following was inspired by this little item on YouTube.
IT WAS A beautiful summer morning in legend-haunted Arkham. Little Howard Pickman woke up early and decided to go outside and play.
For a while he pretended to be a Deep One and ran back and forth making swimming motions and saying “glub-glub, glub-glub.” Then he pretended to be a ghoul and crouched, glibbering and meeping and gnawing on an imaginary thigh bone.
Suddenly an eldritch feeling ran down his spine and he smelled a nameless fetor. He looked about but saw nothing. Then he looked up, and there was a shoggoth on the roof!
Little Howard looked at the shoggoth with his two eyes and the shoggoth looked back with its twelve eyes — and then its seven eyes — and then its three eyes — and then its twenty-six eyes — until Howard grew quite dizzy counting them.
He ran back inside, rushed up the stairs, knocked on the bedroom door of his sister Keziah and went in. She was still asleep. He poked her and poked her until she woke up.
“There’s a shoggoth on the roof!” cried Howard.
“Pull the other one,” replied Keziah, who had no manners early in the morning. She rolled over and went back to sleep.
So Howard went to the bedroom door of his parents and knocked and went in. First he went to the side of the bed where his mother Asenath was sleeping and poked her and poked her until she woke up.
“Mommy, there’s a shoggoth on the roof!” cried Howard.
His mother looked at the clock. “It’s only six-thirty, Howie. Be a good little boy and let your mother sleep and I’ll scramble you a nice Shantak egg for your breakfast.” And she rolled over and went back to sleep.
So Howard went to the side of the bed where his father Edward was sleeping and poked him and poked him until he woke up.
“Daddy, there’s a shoggoth on the roof!” cried Howard.
“Really?” said his father. “Let me see.” And he got up and put on a bathrobe and slippers and went downstairs and outside with Howard and looked up. The shoggoth was still there.
“Hmmm,” said Howard’s father (whom we shall call Mr. Pickman, because that’s his name). “This is a problem.”
“Can we keep it?” asked Howard.
“I’m afraid not,” replied Mr. Pickman. “The neighbors will complain about the nameless fetor.”
“What shall we do then?”
“I suppose we should call 9-1-1.”
So they went back inside and Mr. Pickman found his cell phone and called 9-1-1. “Hello?” he said. “This is Edmund Pickman calling from 13 Parsonage Street in legend-haunted Arkham. There’s a shoggoth on our roof. Can someone please come and take it away?” After a minute he put down the phone.
“What did they say?”
“They just uttered a maniacal cachinnation and hung up.”
“Oh.”
“I know. I’ll call my friend Professor Armitage at Miskatonic University.” And he took up his phone again and called Professor Armitage.
“Hello, Hank. This is Eddie Pickman.”
“Do you realize it’s not even seven?” Professor Armitage hadn’t had his coffee yet and was grouchy in consequence.
“There’s a shoggoth on our roof.”
“Suuure, there is.”
“No, really,” said Mr. Pickman. “I’ll show you.” He went back outside and took a picture of the shoggoth and emailed it to Professor Armitage.
“Well I’ll be jiggered,” said Professor Armitage after looking at the picture. “But why are you calling me? Why not call 9-1-1?”
“I did,” said Mr. Pickman. “They cachinnated maniacally and hung up.”
“Tsk, tsk,” said Professor Armitage. “Meet me at the library in half an hour.”
So Mr. Pickman and Howard got dressed and left their house. They walked north up Parsonage Street, turned left at the Witch House and walked along College Street for few blocks, then turned right and crossed the coed-haunted campus of Miskatonic University to the Ephraim Waite Library. There they found Professor Armitage.
“What do you want me to do, Eddie?” asked the professor.
“Get the shoggoth OFF our roof.”
“I don’t know how.”
“Well, who does?”
“Shoggoths come from Antarctica, don’t they? I’ll call Professor Dyer. He’s been there.” Professor Armitage took out his phone. Then he hesitated.
“The problem is, the professor is a little touchy about shoggoths. Mention them to him and he flies into a passion and then starts to cachinnate like a maniac. Still, maybe this is one of his good days…” And he called Professor Dyer.
“Hello, Bill? This is Hank Armitage. A friend of mine has a problem: he has a shoggoth on his roof and I was wondering —”
“A shoggoth on his roof?” replied Professor Dyer, flying into a passion. “Well, that’s just peachy! I warned the Starkweather-Moore expedition, but did they listen? Oh, nooooo! They just had to go to Antarctica and poke around! So of course they found a shoggoth and they brought it back with them and it’s escaped! I hope they’re happy now! Ha ha ha ha ha ha HA HA HA —”
Professor Armitage quickly ended the call. “It’s not one of his good days. We’ll have to do this on our own.”
“Why can’t we call the Starkweather-Moore people?” asked Mr. Pickman.
“They went deep-sea diving in the Pacific last year and never came back,” replied Professor Armitage. “Let’s go to the Forbidden Books Room.”
So they went to the Forbidden Books Room. Professor Armitage turned off the alarms, locked the trapdoor over the deadfall, and disconnected the trigger to the nets hanging overhead.
“We’ve had to be careful,” he said. “You wouldn’t believe how many cultists try to sneak in… Oh my goodness! I almost forgot the tear gas.”
He unlocked the iron bars that protected the bookshelves and took out a huge, musty, worm-eaten tome. “Let’s see what the Necronomicon has to say.”
Time passed.
“No good,” said the professor, returning the Necronomicon to its place. “Let’s try the Liber Ivonis.”
But that was no good either; nor were the Unaussprechlichen Kulten of von Junzt, Ludvig Prinn’s De Vermis Mysteriis, and the Pnakotic Manuscript.
“If all else fails, we can try Wikipedia,” said Professor Armitage, poking about the shelves.
Mr. Pickman and Howard both groaned.
“Wait!” cried the professor. “What’s this?” And he took down a huge, musty, yellow-and-black tome. “Of course! Why didn’t I think of it before?” He showed it to them. On the cover were the words De Loquendi Linguam Shoggothum pro Stultis.
“What does it mean?” asked Howard.
“Roughly translated, Speaking Shoggoth for Dummies,” replied Professor Armitage. “Let’s go.”
They returned to 13 Parsonage Street, Professor Armitage reading as they went along. The shoggoth was still on the roof.
“Fweet!” whistled the professor. “That’s ‘Hello,’” he said aside to Howard and Mr. Pickman.
“Fweet! Fweet!” whistled the shoggoth in reply. (“Hello yourself.”)
“Tweet-twee.” (“Will you get off the roof?”)
“Twee-twee-fweet.” (“Why the hell should I?”)
“Fweet-TWEE-tweet.” (“Get off or else!”)
“FWEET-fweet-FWEET-fweet.” (“Oh, yeah? Go ahead and try. I’ll suck your head off!”)
The shoggoth grew a couple of tentacles and extended them downward.
The professor ostentatiously patted one of his pockets.
“TWEEEEEEET!” he whistled (“I’ve got an Elder Sign and I’m not afraid to use it!”)
The shoggoth withdrew the tentacles, grew a mouth, and smiled ruefully.
“Fwee-fweet-fweet-tweet,” it replied. (“All right, let’s not get hasty and do something we’ll both regret.”)
“Fweet-fweet-tweet-tweet-TWEE-fwee-burble.” The shoggoth came down from the roof and grew a hand and proffered it to Professor Armitage. He took it and the two walked and slithered hand-in-hand out to Parsonage Street. They turned right and went along until they came to the Miskatonic River. The shoggoth oozed down the bank, waved goodbye, and plunged into the ebon waters.
“What did you say?” asked Howard.
“I suggested it would be much happier in the fish-haunted Miskatonic… Let’s go find someplace to eat. I haven’t had any breakfast.”
“Come back to our place,” said Mr. Pickman. So they went back to the Pickman house, where Asenath scrambled the highly-flavored eggs of the rumored Shantak-bird for all of them and Keziah complained that they’d let her sleep through all the excitement and Howard gave her a kick under the table.
THE END
Monday, May 22, 2023
State of the Ape XIII - One Year Later
It was one year ago today I was taken to the hospital and diagnosed with advanced prostate cancer.
Thanks to your prayers (and modern medicine), I’m still here. Praise the Lord!
I’d been going for longer walks and gaining a little strength; then I had a nasty attack of vertigo on the third, which set me back. I was finally able to start going for walks again yesterday.
I’m taking a break from writing for a few days; I’ve been trying to force the Muse and she won’t be forced.
The Bride and the girls are well.
It was one year ago today I was taken to the hospital and diagnosed with advanced prostate cancer.
Thanks to your prayers (and modern medicine), I’m still here. Praise the Lord!
I’d been going for longer walks and gaining a little strength; then I had a nasty attack of vertigo on the third, which set me back. I was finally able to start going for walks again yesterday.
I’m taking a break from writing for a few days; I’ve been trying to force the Muse and she won’t be forced.
The Bride and the girls are well.
Wednesday, April 26, 2023
State of the Ape XII
First: The radiation treatments for my brother’s early-stage prostate cancer worked and he should be OK from now on. Also, the family situation is improving. Thank you all for your prayers!
No change for me, healthwise. Just hanging in there, taking it one day at a time.
Waiting on my cover designer for Murder at Minstrel Manor, and slowly getting into revising There Will Be Murder Done.
Finally, today is my 67th birthday, and the 19th anniversary of the start of the Trousered Ape blog.
First: The radiation treatments for my brother’s early-stage prostate cancer worked and he should be OK from now on. Also, the family situation is improving. Thank you all for your prayers!
No change for me, healthwise. Just hanging in there, taking it one day at a time.
Waiting on my cover designer for Murder at Minstrel Manor, and slowly getting into revising There Will Be Murder Done.
Finally, today is my 67th birthday, and the 19th anniversary of the start of the Trousered Ape blog.
Tuesday, March 28, 2023
Passing
Mom passed away peacefully last night at the age of 93. Rest eternal grant her, O Lord, and let perpetual light shine on her.
Mom passed away peacefully last night at the age of 93. Rest eternal grant her, O Lord, and let perpetual light shine on her.
Sunday, March 26, 2023
State of the Ape XI
Ten months; where does the time go? I’m getting a little stronger (I think). The new drug I’m on for the dizziness appears to be taking hold. I’m still having episodes, but the last serious one was 2/28. I had a bone scan on 3/9 and my bones, or at least the ones they looked at, are in excellent shape. Blood work on 3/24: my PSA is down to 0.2.
Mom’s life is drawing peacefully to a close. She received Anointing of the Sick on Friday.
We’re in the process of (slowly) transferring management of our family finances from me to the Bride. Slowly, because over the years I’ve developed a complicated system that involves several different spreadsheets; also because I’m comfortable with numbers and she isn’t. (And also because my system color-codes some of the transactions and the Bride is partially color-blind.)
I’ve finished revising Murder at Minstrel Manor. The cover designer I hoped to get isn’t available, but I think I’ve found another one; we’re in preliminary discussions right now. I just finished re-reading There Will Be Murder Done. It needs filling out, and a certain amount of rewriting, but the plot does hang together pretty well. I’ve finished Zoe 5 and have started Zoe 6.
Ten months; where does the time go? I’m getting a little stronger (I think). The new drug I’m on for the dizziness appears to be taking hold. I’m still having episodes, but the last serious one was 2/28. I had a bone scan on 3/9 and my bones, or at least the ones they looked at, are in excellent shape. Blood work on 3/24: my PSA is down to 0.2.
Mom’s life is drawing peacefully to a close. She received Anointing of the Sick on Friday.
We’re in the process of (slowly) transferring management of our family finances from me to the Bride. Slowly, because over the years I’ve developed a complicated system that involves several different spreadsheets; also because I’m comfortable with numbers and she isn’t. (And also because my system color-codes some of the transactions and the Bride is partially color-blind.)
I’ve finished revising Murder at Minstrel Manor. The cover designer I hoped to get isn’t available, but I think I’ve found another one; we’re in preliminary discussions right now. I just finished re-reading There Will Be Murder Done. It needs filling out, and a certain amount of rewriting, but the plot does hang together pretty well. I’ve finished Zoe 5 and have started Zoe 6.
Wednesday, March 15, 2023
Urgent Prayer Request
Mom had to back to the hospital with pneumonia. Her condition worsened while she was there and she is being moved to hospice. Please pray for her.
Mom had to back to the hospital with pneumonia. Her condition worsened while she was there and she is being moved to hospice. Please pray for her.
Wednesday, March 01, 2023
