Trousered Ape

An exercise in presumption.

Sunday, October 26, 2008

Just completed: a long overdue update of the blogroll. Some obsolete links have been removed and many new links to blogs of high quality have been added. Also links to venues of entertainment: Wondermark, by David Malki ! (he insists on the exclamation point), and Girl Genius, by Kaja Foglio.

Posted by Bob the Ape 11:15 AM

Thursday, October 23, 2008

Noticed at Siris:

From the Vatican City website:

Even though Vatican City has no direct access to the sea, by virtue of the Barcelona Declaration of 1921, it is allowed to sail its own vessels flying the papal flag.

However, the Vatican does not avail itself of this right at this time.

I never thought that I should come so far
When I was an altar boy at St. Scholastica,
Where I bore a candle, laughed when Father joked,
And always kept the censer lit and fully stoked –
And I censed the church so odorously
That now I am the ruler of the Pope’s Navee.

‘Twas a short time after this that I became
The third-string quarterback at Notre Dame.
I sat on the bench and never made a call,
But I conned the playbook and I learned them all –
And my uniform fit so handsomely
That now I am the ruler of the Pope’s Navee.

It happened that I had a priestly vocation,
So I went for a seminary education.
I studied matters theological,
And ethical, canonical, spiritual –
And I lived so ecclesiastically
That now I am the ruler of the Pope’s Navee.

Next, having been well and rigorously trained,
I went to see the Bishop and I got ordained.
I was assigned to a church and a flock
Where sinfulness had burst its bounds and run amok –
I led them back to virtue so pastorally
That now I am the ruler of the Pope’s Navee.

I joined an order and I donned its habit
And I rose through the ranks to become an abbot.
I held each brother strictly to his vow
So not one looked backward after putting hand to plow –
And we hewed to the Rule so monastically
That now I am the ruler of the Pope’s Navee.

My reputation all the way to Rome having spread,
An episcopal miter was placed on my head.
My diocese with such anxious care was run
That I never excommunicated anyone –
Yes, it went so smoothly in my see
That now I am the ruler of the Pope’s Navee.

Fate now decreed for me more eclat:
His Holiness bestowed on me a Cardinal’s hat,
And ‘twas not all, for no sooner than
I learned to find my way about the Vatican,
He summoned a great consistory,
And named me as the ruler of the Pope’s Navee.

And this is the end of my recital,
“Praefectus Classis Pontificis” is my title.
I sail the seas with the Papal fleet
And any heretics I have the luck to meet
Are taken, sunk, burnt, or destroyed immediately –
It’s fun to be the ruler of the Pope’s Navee.

Posted by Bob the Ape 2:07 PM