The Dick and Jane Version of "The Cask of Amontillado" Many years ago I put up a post suggesting how Edgar Allan Poe might have written "Dick and Jane".  Today I was moved to create a companion piece:


The Dick and Jane Version of "The Cask of Amontillado"


Look, look.
See Montresor.
Montresor is not happy.


Look, look.
See Fortunato.
Fortunato is happy.
Fortunato is very happy.
Fortunato is drunk as a skunk.


Look, look.
See Montresor and Fortunato.
Montresor says "Hello" to Fortunato.
Fortunato says "Hello" to Montresor.


"Listen, listen," says Montresor.  "I have just bought some Amontillado."
"Silly, silly," says Fortunato.  "It is carnival.  You cannot buy Amontillado when it is carnival."
"Well, well," says Montresor, "I am not sure whether it is Amontillado."
"Come, come," says Fortunato.  "Let us go and taste it."


Look, look.
See Montresor's palazzo.
No one is there.
The servants are all gone.
They are out getting drunk as skunks.


Look, look.
See Montresor's cellar.
Montresor's cellar is big.
Very big.
Montresor's cellar is full of wine.
And bones.
Human bones.


Look, look.
See Montresor and Fortunato.
Montresor and Fortunato are in the cellar.
Fortunato is happy.
Fortunato is not afraid.
Fortunato is still drunk as a skunk.


"Look, look," says Montresor.  "Here is the Amontillado."
Montresor is playing a joke.
There is no Amontillado.


Look, look.
See Fortunato.
Montresor has chained Fortunato to the wall.
Fortunato is not afraid.
Fortunato thinks it is a very funny joke.
Hear Fortunato laugh.


Look, look.
See Montresor.
Montresor is building a wall.
Fortunato is on the other side of the wall.


Look, look.
See Fortunato.
Fortunato is no longer drunk as a skunk.
Fortunato is sober.
Fortunato is not happy.
Fortunato is afraid.
Hear Fortunato scream.


Look, look.
See Montresor.
Montresor hears Fortunato scream.
Montresor is happy.


Listen, listen.
"For the love of God, Montresor," says Fortunato.
"Yes," says Montresor.  "For the love of God."


Look, look.
See Montresor.
Montresor has finished the wall.
You cannot see Fortunato.
Fortunato is on the other side of the wall.
Montresor is very happy.

Posted by Bob the Ape 5:35 PM