Trousered Ape
An exercise in presumption.
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
A squib from many, many years ago, reworked and expanded:
REFRAIN:
Grandma got done over by the turkeys;
Death has filled her family with dismay.
Don’t incur the vengeful wrath of turkeys:
They’ll come and ruin your Thanksgiving Day.
I.
Grandma’s phobia of turkeys
Dated from her infancy,
When a turkey bit her mother,
And the shrieks were mixed with gobblings of glee.
So, in psychic compensation,
Grandma swore to kill them all.
Sane from Christmas through October,
Came November, she was bitterness and gall.
REFRAIN: Grandma got, etc.
II.
Then she got her knives and cleavers;
Made them shiny, sharp, and keen;
Perpetrated wholesale slaughter;
Didn’t rest until she’d picked the corpses clean.
Though her deeds made us uneasy,
No one dared a word out loud –
Cousin Belle once hinted faintly:
Now she plays her golden harp upon a cloud.
REFRAIN: Grandma got, etc.
III.
But the turkeys got together
And devised a cunning plan,
Put it into execution,
And that was the end of our bloodthirsty Gran.
Not a single clue or footprint
Showed us why she lay there dead.
Still, we know it was the turkeys:
For her head was gone and she was stuffed with bread.
REFRAIN: Grandma got, etc.
REFRAIN:
Grandma got done over by the turkeys;
Death has filled her family with dismay.
Don’t incur the vengeful wrath of turkeys:
They’ll come and ruin your Thanksgiving Day.
I.
Grandma’s phobia of turkeys
Dated from her infancy,
When a turkey bit her mother,
And the shrieks were mixed with gobblings of glee.
So, in psychic compensation,
Grandma swore to kill them all.
Sane from Christmas through October,
Came November, she was bitterness and gall.
REFRAIN: Grandma got, etc.
II.
Then she got her knives and cleavers;
Made them shiny, sharp, and keen;
Perpetrated wholesale slaughter;
Didn’t rest until she’d picked the corpses clean.
Though her deeds made us uneasy,
No one dared a word out loud –
Cousin Belle once hinted faintly:
Now she plays her golden harp upon a cloud.
REFRAIN: Grandma got, etc.
III.
But the turkeys got together
And devised a cunning plan,
Put it into execution,
And that was the end of our bloodthirsty Gran.
Not a single clue or footprint
Showed us why she lay there dead.
Still, we know it was the turkeys:
For her head was gone and she was stuffed with bread.
REFRAIN: Grandma got, etc.
Wednesday, November 03, 2010
Election results:
(Image by David Malki ! of Wondermark, who is not responsible for the use I have made of it.)
(Image by David Malki ! of Wondermark, who is not responsible for the use I have made of it.)
