In the news: Al Gore’s An Inconvenient Truth will be adapted into an opera. It is scheduled to appear at La Scala in Milan in 2011.

Why wait three years?

---

AN INCONVENIENT TRAGEDY

.

Cast of Characters

.		.
.	Prometheus	.	a Titan
.	Algor	.	an ambitious Spirit
.	Carbona Dioxida	.	an airy Spirit
.	Khi-Oto	.	an Oriental Sorcerer, servant to Algor
.	Skeptica	.	a Seeress
.	Consensus	.	a Judge
.	Helios	.	God of the Sun
.	Oscar	.	a Golem
.	Three Citizens
.	A Troupe of Polar Bears
.	A Figure representing Unnatural Heat

---

ACT I

.	.	.
Scene: A barren wasteland.
.
Prometheus enters, bearing a load of wood. He sets it on the ground and builds it into a pile.
.
Prometheus(recitative):	From Jove's bright realm have I come, bearing in secret a divine gift.
.
He sets fire to the wood.
.
Prometheus:	To Man, feeble and fleeting, Risking Jove's terrible ire, I give, for his future greatness, A spark of Heaven's fire. Though mortal, endowed with a touch Of divinity, he may aspire To mastery, sole and unchallenged, Of Earth's spacious gyre.
.
The flames shoot up and from them leaps Carbona Dioxida, a spirit of fair appearance. She dances about the stage; wherever she steps, shrubs and flowers appear.
.
Carbona Dioxida:	Oh, here is a marvel! Where'er I set foot Straightway there emerges A sapling or shoot. Bright flowers' shall vie With fair Iris's bow. And great oaks and pines Towards Heaven shall grow.
.
She continues her dance, breathing gently on each plant, which grows taller when she does so.
.
Enter Algor.
.
Algor (rec.):	Oh, rash Prometheus! Thy crime has not gone undetected! At great Jove's decree, I condemn thee to cruel and endless torment. Go - thy carceral rock awaits thee!
.
Exit Prometheus.
.
Algor (rec.):	Though Prometheus is banished, Jove still prefers others before me. Denied advancement on Olympus, I shall seek mastery on Earth.
.
He espies Carbona Dioxida.
.
Algor (rec.):	Here may be an instrument fit for my purpose.
.
(sings)	Oh spirit, need you rest content With twig and leaf and flower? Ally with me and we shall share The pinnacle of power. Comport yourself as I direct, Assist my enterprise: A golden harvest shall we reap As sure as sun shall rise.
.
Carbona Dioxida:	With much disquiet do your words Disturb my peaceful soul. Should I abandon all I have To seek a lofty goal? You sway me so to follow you, Bedazzling my eyes, That tangled deep within my breast Both dread and longing rise.
.
Algor:	Do not take counsel of your fear: It is a treach'rous guide. My wit and cunning, unsurpassed, In many ventures tried, Can nowise fail to bring success And all it may comprise. We will bestride this narrow Earth As sure as sun shall rise.
.
Duet:	(Algor)	(Carbona Dioxida)
.
.	She'll join with me and we shall share	I will abandon all and dare
.	A glittering golden prize.	To aid his enterprise.
.	The lure of riches and of power	Farewell to twig and leaf and flower...
.	Will always tantalize.	But is he telling lies?
.	An endless rain of wealth shall fall	Does he, behind his siren call,
.	Like manna from the skies,	Some subtle plot disguise?
.	When I attain to mastery,	No matter now, he masters me,
.	As sure as sun shall rise.	And bids me to arise.
.
At a gesture from Algor, Carbona Dioxida rises and comes to him, as one in a trance.
.
* * * CURTAIN * * *

---

ACT II

.	.	.
Scene: A city square.
.
Enter Skeptica; also Citizens, variously occupied. One pauses to contemplate a placard, headed "DANGER!", posted on a wall.
.
Citizen 1 (rec.):	News most alarming. A prophet will come to our city today, to warn us of a doom that will befall us if we do not heed him.
.
Citizen 2:	What can this portent mean? What danger lurks unseen? Oh, terror's breath is chill and keen!
.
Citizen 3:	Hark! With beating drums, The stranger this way comes; Fantastic rumor round him hums.
.
Enter Algor. He is accompanied by a Polar Bear in very sad condition: emaciated and limping, with patches of fur missing, and wearing an eyepatch.
.
Citizen 1:	Indeed, his mien is grave; A hero or a knave? Oh, does he come to damn or save?
.
Algor (rec.):	Good people, gather! A specter is haunting the land - a specter that will destroy you all, if you do not listen to my warning!
.
(sings)	As you, unknowing, go about your business, Disaster is at hand! A fiend impalpable, but fierce and deadly, Will devastate your land!
.
Skeptica:	Your tale is quite horrific in the telling, But why should it be true? I see your aura glow with fraud and falsehood; Why should we credit you?
.
Algor:	My word alone is not the only witness: Behold this wretched bear! He'll tell you how this fiend came to his homeland, And all that she did there!
.
Bear:	Life was peaceful, life was sweet, As upon the ice we lay From midwinter's endless night To midsummer's endless day. Naught, we thought, could e'er disturb This, our world of frost and rime, Then, this monster, in a flash Changed it to a tropic clime! By what sorcerous device This was done, we do not know. Yet the deed was done and now, Homeless through the world we go.
.
As the Bear sings, the stage darkens and a vision appears above, of the Polar Bears lying on their ice floe. They rise and dance a ballet. Suddenly, into their midst leaps a Figure clad in fiery garments and frightfully masked. It dances a flamenco with such force that one piece of the ice after another breaks off; each time precipitating a bear into the sea. This continues until the last bear is gone. The Figure raises its arms in triumph as clouds of steam erupt from the water.
.
As the vision fades, the Bear ducks into a curtained doorway and a moment later emerges as Khi-Oto, the sorcerer - recognizable because he is still wearing the eyepatch, and a ragged cloak of white fur.
.
Citizen 1 (rec.):	This tale is most convincing.
.
Citizen 2 (rec.):	Ask the stranger what we must do.
.
Citizen 3 (rec.):	Surely he can save us.
.
Skeptica (rec.):	Are we to be fooled by a mountebank and his performing bear? It is laughable!
.
Citizen 1 (rec.):	It does seem rather preposterous.
.
Citizen 2 (rec.):	What shall we do?
.
Citizen 3 (rec.):	We will ask the Judge for a ruling!
.
Exeunt all but Khi-Oto and Skeptica.
.
Skeptica:	Your cheap and shoddy trick did not deceive me. I'll show you for the faker that you are. Your master, too - you'll be condemned and banished, When comes the Judge and we are at the bar.
.
Khi-Oto raises his wand and points it at her.
.
Khi-Oto:	You mock my art unheedingly: I use no magic shoddily, Or dabble in cheap fakery. Your power of clairvoyancy Shall struggle unavailingly And fail before my sorcery. This spell I weave so cunningly Will render mute your stridency And bridle your loquacity. Unanswered, then, our perjury, And we'll rule all triumphantly!
.
Enter Consensus, in judicial robes, Algor, and Citizens.
.
Consensus:	This man has argued very well, And with such wit and sense, That no one hearing him can tell Of greater eloquence. But as my task perforce requires, I must hear a rebuttal, Or equity at once expires And justice is a muddle.
.
(rec.)	What have you to say? Can you refute him?
.
Skeptica, horrified, finds herself unable to speak. After a long and agonizing effort, she sinks to the ground in despair.
.
Consensus:	I shall my verdict now announce: Since no one did object, By rule of law I must pronounce That this man is correct.
.
Exit Consensus.
.
With a flash and puff of smoke, Carbona Dioxida, garbed and masked as the Figure in the vision, appears above. The Citizens cry out in terror.
.
Algor (rec.):	The monster is here! And now, for the worst: YOU have summoned her!
.
The Citizens cry out again.
.
Algor:	Every kettle set to boil, Every candle flame, Every fire that you kindle, Calls the creature's name! . Here she is, there's no escaping, She is here to stay. Only I know how to save you, Holding her at bay. . I will sell you certain cantrips, With a wondrous charm: They will offset all her evil, Keeping you from harm.
.
The Citizens, clamoring, flock to Algor and Khi-Oto, who produce amulets from a bag and trade each for a handful of gold.
.
* * * CURTAIN * * *

---

ACT III

.	.	.
At one side of the stage, the ornate facade of a palace. Before the palace is a beautiful garden, in the middle of which are a table and some chairs. In the background, an artificial waterfall flows into a pond; in the center of the pond, a more than life-size golden statue, in human form but featureless.
.
At the other side, the street outside the palace grounds. The two are separated by a low wall toward the street side.
.
Sitting at the curb of the street is Skeptica, reduced to poverty, in rags and holding a begging bowl.
.
At the table in the garden are Algor, Carbona Dioxida, and Khi-Oto, engaged in dividing up a great heap of coins. A jewel-encrusted goblet is at the elbow of each.
.
Carbona Dioxida:	You told me once, so long ago, That to us untold wealth would flow.
.
Algor:	Indeed, I did. You must aver, We're richer far than once we were.
.
Khi-Oto:	And still more wealth will come in time! I give a toast: success to crime!
.
They drink.
.
Carbona Dioxida:	The doubts I had, the deep dismay; How strange they seem to me today.
.
Algor:	Such foolish qualms, so seeming bold, Turn coward at the chink of gold.
.
Khi-Oto:	Aye, gold, that does not rot or rust, Or play you false. In gold I trust!
.
Carbona Dioxida:	But if someday the weather cools? They'll realize they were played for fools!
.
Algor:	No matter, we will spin a tale; My wit was never known to fail.
.
Khi-Oto:	We'll make a fuss, a great to-do, That cooling, too, is due to you!
.
Khi-Oto picks up a coin and holds it doubtfully in his hand, then bites it. With an air of disgust he starts to throw it away, then changes his mind. He goes out a gate in the wall and drops it into Skeptica's bowl. She looks up, sees Khi-Oto, and flings the coin back at him. In a sudden rage, he strikes her, knocking her to the ground, then goes back inside.
.
The Citizens gather about Skeptica. One helps her to rise; she immediately falls to her knees and stretches out her arms to Heaven in an attitude of prayer.
.
A blaze of light from above and Helios descends in his chariot.
.
Helios:	All Earth lies open to my piercing rays: How could I fail to see such cruelty Towards her who ever was my votaress, To whom I gave the gift of prophecy. So used, and so abused! That miscreant! Where'er he hides himself, I'll hunt him down, Convict him straightaway, and then, upon His evil life I'll set a fitting crown: Condemned forever hopelessly to dwell In agony in Hades' deepest Hell.
.
Citizen 1 (rec.):	I saw him flee into the palace!
.
Citizen 2 (rec.):	Avenge our sister!
.
Citizen 3 (rec.):	Destroy them all!
.
Helios strikes the wall, which crumbles away. He leads the crowd of Citizens into the palace garden, where Algor, Carbona Dioxida, and Khi-Oto, undaunted, await him.
.
Helios (rec.):	Come, evildoers, and receive your just punishment!
.
Khi-Oto strides forward and raises his wand.
.
Khi-Oto:	My art has such great potency That even your divinity Is subject to its mastery. I stand my ground defiantly Secure in my impunity. Now dims your luminosity, Where is your proud verbosity? Now kneel in all humility, Pay homage to my sovereignty!
.
Helios's light dims; he staggers and starts to kneel; then, with a mighty effort he recovers himself. He gestures, and with a flash and thunderclap Khi-Oto's wand breaks and the latter collapses to earth.
.
Khi-Oto (rec.):	Farewell, I am undone! Oh, master! (gasps) Remember the golem! (Dies.)
.
Helios:	And now for you, false lying tricksters both, Who prey on credulous simplicity: I shall make plain to these good people here That warm and cool belong of right to me. Heat and humidity pervade the air When I put forth my power day to day, But chill winds, bitter frost, and snow abound When I do dim myself and turn away. You two are guilty of the grossest frauds, Your vaunted cantrips naught but useless gauds!
.
Algor:	If this is true, our racket's through. Oh, this is very inconvenient.
.
Carbona Dioxida:	I quite agree. Come, let us flee. That seems to be the best expedient.
.
Algor:	No use in flight. He has such might. Perhaps we ought to be obedient.
.
Carbona Dioxida:	I do not dare. Oh, see him glare! I rather doubt he will be lenient.
.
Algor (rec.):	Wait! The golem! (Addresses the corpse of Khi-Oto) Oh, faithful servant, faithful even after death! (Commandingly) Golem, I summon thee! Do thou my bidding!
.
The golden statue in the pond comes to life, revealing itself to be Oscar, the golem. It closes and grapples with Helios and throws him to the ground.
.
Algor (shouting exultantly):	I swear to you, my truth SHALL prevail!
.
As Helios rises, Oscar strikes him down. Instantly, the lighting dims.
.
Skeptica, whose voice has returned with the death of Khi-Oto, rushes forward with a shriek.
.
Skeptica (rec.):	Oh, you fools, you fools! You have destroyed us all!
.
(sings)	Slain the Sun and Now departed Is the source of Life and light. Foolish people, Doomed forever To a dark and Frozen night. No more cattle In the meadow, No more harvest From the field. No more fish in Pond or river, Vines will no more Vintage yield. Fate appalling: Freezing, starving, Death shall come to Everyone. You will know the Sun's great power All the better When it's gone.
.
Skeptica falls dead over the body of Helios.
.
The Citizens exit, bearing the bodies of Helios and Skeptica; leaving Algor, Carbona Dioxida, and Oscar alone.
.
All the flowers in the garden turn brown and wither. The lighting turns to a cold blue and snow begins to fall. Carbona Dioxida attempts a few halting steps of the dance from Act I, breathing on the wilted flowers, but to no effect.
.
In the background appears Prometheus, chained to his rock; at the base of the rock lies his vulture, frozen to death.
.
At a gesture from Algor, Oscar goes to the rock and frees Prometheus. Meanwhile, Algor and Carbona Dioxida break the garden table and chairs to pieces and pile them center stage, adding some ornamentation torn from the palace facade. Prometheus comes forward, carrying the vulture's corpse. He gives it to Carbona Dioxida, who begins to pluck it as Prometheus sets fire to the pile and Algor erects a spit.
.
* * * CURTAIN * * *

Posted by Bob the Ape 9:41 PM

A monkey that's made out of brass
Sometimes comes to a perilous pass:
When the temperature's low,
Its appendages go,
Either one at a time or en masse.
Posted by Bob the Ape 4:51 PM

Graphjam: because there's so much time to waste.

Samples:




Posted by Bob the Ape 7:48 PM

Thanks for all your prayers. The pacemaker's in. Dad came home on Tuesday; the Authoress and I went to visit (the Bride and the Storm Queen both being under the weather) and he's feeling much better. We hope to visit again next weekend.
Posted by Bob the Ape 6:53 AM

To anyone who drops by: We would be very grateful for a word or two of prayer for my parents. Dad had been scheduled for a pacemaker later this month, but had to be taken to the ICU this weekend and they've moved up the installation to tomorrow. If all goes well he might be home on Tuesday. God's will be done. Thanks.
Posted by Bob the Ape 7:12 PM

From a story Civil War cannonball kills Virginia relic collector (hat tip to Irish Elk):

White's death...raised concerns about the dangers of other Civil War munitions that lie buried beneath old battlefields.

We're just getting over global warming and now we have to start worrying about this?
Posted by Bob the Ape 3:28 PM

Oh, have you been to Bethlehem,
Founded by Japhet, Ham, and Shem.
Whatever did become of them,
Those three who founded Bethlehem.

Oh, have you been to Allentown,
Where everything is upside-down,
And every smile is a frown,
In topsy-turvy Allentown.

I knew a chap in Birmingham
Who got himself in a dreadful jam
Over some soap and a pound of spam;
He barely escaped from Birmingham.

Oh, have you been to Syracuse,
Where Sherlock Holmes once had the blues:
No mysteries, no crimes, no clues,
No work for him in Syracuse.

Oh, have you been to Albany,
Where pirates go to have a spree:
The rum is cheap, the wenches free,
So yo ho ho for Albany.

I knew a chap in Leningrad,
Who looked to be a likely lad,
But underneath was just a cad,
Who loved and left in Leningrad.

Oh, if you go to Reykjavik,
You must be nimble, must be quick,
Must be watchful for a trick -
They're sneaky folk in Reykjavik.

Oh, have you been to Istanbul,
Where lurks a Turk who's no one's fool:
He's Harvey Hawley Hassan Abdul,
The cagiest man in Istanbul.
Posted by Bob the Ape 7:10 AM

A work of parodic brilliance: The Trouble With Tribbles as if written by Edward Gorey.

(Hat tip to Catholic Bibliophagist.)
Posted by Bob the Ape 6:51 AM

Cried Obama, "How long, Lord, how long?
Get him off the stage, please, ring the gong!
There's a saw old and trite:
Two wrongs don't make a right -
But it seems that one Wright is a wrong!"
Posted by Bob the Ape 8:09 AM

Still breathing. Energy taken up with family, work, reading.

Oh, and I turned 52 today; Trousered Ape is 4.
Posted by Bob the Ape 10:23 PM

A joyful Easter to you!

HE IS RISEN!
Posted by Bob the Ape 6:42 AM

Sometimes Nemesis does as befits her:
An example is Eliot Spitzer:
He who tortured the law
Is now trapped in its maw,
While the world roars out, "Fiat justicia!"
Posted by Bob the Ape 6:34 AM

William F. Buckley, Jr. has died.

Grant him eternal rest, O Lord, and may light eternal shine upon him.
Posted by Bob the Ape 4:45 PM

A great upset victory tonight by the Giants, for whom I have rooted, with greater or less intensity, for over 30 years. But, at least in our house, bittersweet, since the Bride, born and raised in Concord, Massachusetts, was solidly for the Patriots; and the Authoress and Storm Queen both take after their mother.
Posted by Bob the Ape 11:22 PM

Literary Criticism Dept:

The Authoress, after reading The Cask of Amontillado: "That guy had issues."
Posted by Bob the Ape 3:15 PM

No one has tagged me for this, but I’ll do it anyway (ht to Darwin Catholic:

Book Meme Rules

1. Pick up the nearest book ( of at least 123 pages).
2. Open the book to page 123.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the next three sentences.
5. Tag five people.

Book: Webster’s New Twentieth Century Dictionary, Unabridged, Second Edition (1975)

Posting: (From the definition of auction [noun]):
1. a public sale of items, one by one, to the highest bidder, usually by a person licensed and authorized for the purpose.
2. the property sold or offered for sale at auction. [Obs.]
3. auction bridge.

Under the circumstances, the definition of "sentence" had to be arbitrary. Page 123 started with "auchenium"; this and the next three words ("au contraire", "au courant", and "auctary") had unique definitions, i.e., only one sense, so I took each with its definition as a single sentence. I then took the actual word "auction" and its etymology as the fifth sentence.

Step 5 has been omitted.
Posted by Bob the Ape 10:01 AM

Scientists discover the bones of a one-ton rodent in South America.

Where's a ninja cat when you really need one?

(Hat tip to Dale Price at Dyspeptic Mutterings.)
Posted by Bob the Ape 6:23 PM

NINJA HAIKU

I wear black because
I'm a ninja, not a Goth!
Goths are really lame.

My craft demands that
I practice absolute stealth,
So, no tap dancing.

"Hey! Ninja humor!
'What kind of beef do nuns eat?
They eat nun-chuck!'" Groan.

The black ninja cat
Stalks silently in the night.
Die, samurai mouse!

Swiftly, up the wall
I climb: no mission of death:
I have young children.

"How many nuns could
A nunchuck chuck if a nun-"
Shut up already.

Once, shadow of fear;
Now, foolish entertainment;
I hate those turtles.

I shall try out my
New boomerang shuriken:
Whizz, whizz, whizz, whizz...Ouch!

"My friend Charles asked,
'Who was Joshua's fa-'" - sudden
Decapitation.
Posted by Bob the Ape 7:08 AM

Since I am apparently devoid of inspiration and energy for the time being, I'll fill in with a crack at the AFI 100 Movie List meme (hat tip to Darwin Catholic).

1) Your favorite five movies that are on the list.

Duck Soup
Fantasia
Singin' in the Rain
The Maltese Falcon
The Wizard of Oz

2) Five movies on the list you didn't like at all.

I've only seen 29 of the 100. While it may be too strong to say of any of them that I didn't like them at all, there are 5 that I am not interested in seeing again:

Apocalypse Now
Bonnie and Clyde
Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid
Doctor Zhivago
M*A*S*H

3) Five movies on the list you haven't seen but want to.

An American in Paris
It Happened One Night
Jaws
The Treasure of the Sierra Madre
Vertigo

4) Five movies on the list you haven't seen and have no interest in seeing.

Annie Hall
Dances with Wolves
Midnight Cowboy
One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest
Some Like It Hot
The Graduate
Tootsie

5) Your favorite five movies that aren't on the list.

Cinderella Man
Conan the Barbarian
Flash Gordon
The Incredibles
The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe
A Midsummer Night's Dream
Much Ado about Nothing
Twelfth Night
The Thing from Another World

Note: I do not mean to imply that any of these movies should necessarily have been on the list (some were made after 1998, some were not made in the United States, some were not noticed, and some had little or no impact; no matter, I like them).
Posted by Bob the Ape 9:08 AM

You know there has to be a story behind this sentence:

The Anaheim Police and Disneyland Security were summoned, and judging by the large amount of ashes this deposit was likely a small group of deceased people, or perhaps a very large married couple.

And there is.

(Hat tip to Dom Bettinelli.)
Posted by Bob the Ape 5:55 AM

Not dead, just swamped. Did manage to update the blogroll again.
Posted by Bob the Ape 1:30 PM

I attended an Independence Day convert earlier this month, at which the Bethlehem town band played, among other pieces, John Philip Sousa's "King Cotton March"; which, when it was announced, I misheard as the "King Tut March". Not wishing to let a good title go to waste, I have perpetrated the following. Any composers out there?

THE KING TUT MARCH

(first theme)

Perhaps you’ve had the pleasure to have met Nebuchadnezzar,
Or sat beside Shalmanazar as he rode in his triumph car,
Or had a chance to hearken to the words of mighty Sargon;
They’ll all seem dull and common, once you’ve gazed on Tutankhamen.

Egypt’s had a lion’s share of monarchs trim and debonair:
Such as Zoser, who first did conceive and build a pyramid;
Snefru, Cheops, Khafre all, whose shining fame can never pall;
And many, many others; but, none can compare with peerless Tut!

(second theme)

No welkin rings
With the praises of kings
From abroad – Tut’s name echoes alone.

They lack the style
Of the lord of the Nile,
Give three cheers for King Tut on his throne.

Upstarts and clods,
Not descended from gods,
Cannot equal the son of the Sun –

Heaven’s wrath dire
Will strike those who aspire
To compete with King Tut - he's the one!

(last theme)

From the savage realm of Nubia
To the Delta’s fertile land,
May his sway be sempiternal,
Holding Egypt in his hand.

From the arid Libyan desert
To the Red Sea’s torrid shore,
Glorious Tut reigns undisputed,
Oh Tut, live forevermore!
Posted by Bob the Ape 6:40 PM

BACK YARD HAIKU

Last year, I had one
Walnut tree; thanks to the squirrels,
Now I have twenty.

“Rest on the Sabbath,”
Is the rule for God and man -
The grass keeps growing.

A green thumb raises,
In due time, a bumper crop
Of poison ivy.

Weeds seven feet high…
Um…wasn’t there a rosebush
Around here lately?

Did I hear you say,
You lost your riding mower
Down a rabbit hole?

I have invented
An atomic weed-whacker!
(Maniacal laugh.)
Posted by Bob the Ape 11:38 PM

The sad career of Frankenstein
    Is not for emulation.
Eschew, I pray, O daughters mine
The sad career of Frankenstein:
He sought to play a part Divine
    And so found ruination.
The sad career of Frankenstein
    Is not for emulation.

A fanged and furry lycanthrope
    Can scarcely be endured.
If toward you begins to lope
A fanged and furry lycanthrope,
You may as well abandon hope,
    You never can be cured.
A fanged and furry lycanthrope
    Can scarcely be endured.

If you’re in Castle Dracula,
    Prepare for sleepless nights,
And horrors most spectacular.
If you’re in Castle Dracula,
You’ll (pardon my vernacular)
    Find life there really bites.
If you’re in Castle Dracula,
    Prepare for sleepless nights.
Posted by Bob the Ape 9:17 PM

On the day that I found all my crannies and nooks
Were completely and hopelessly stuffed full of books,
My solution, I flatter myself, was most canny:
I bought nine brand-new nooks and a slightly used cranny.
Posted by Bob the Ape 1:37 PM

Scored 92% (11 out of 12) on the True Art vs. Fake Art Quiz (only got #10 wrong).

(Hat tip to dylan and TSO).
Posted by Bob the Ape 5:16 PM

Bishop Donald Trautman, commenting on the upcoming new translation of the Mass, reveals an extraordinarily low opinion of the education and learning ability of the average Catholic:

All liturgy is pastoral. If translated texts are to be the authentic prayer of the people, they must be owned by the people and expressed in the contemporary language of their culture. To what extent are the new prayers of the Missal truly pastoral? Do these new texts communicate in the living language of the worshiping assembly? How will John and Mary Catholic relate to the new words of the Creed: "consubstantial to the Father" and "incarnate of the Virgin Mary"? Will they understand these words from the various new Collects: "sullied," "unfeigned," "ineffable," "gibbet," "wrought," "thwart"?

(Hat tip to Dale Price at Dyspeptic Mutterings.)

Which inspired this average Catholic as follows:

The Bishop to the translators:

"You have sullied the text - you have sought
For hard words - I must thwart what you've wrought.
I (ineffably pained)
DECREE (with wrath unfeigned)
THAT YOU SHALL TO A GIBBET BE BROUGHT."

The translators to the Bishop:

"What a sad, sullied soul you exhibit!
We will thwart your resort to a gibbet -
With ineffable glee
And unfeigned revelry,
Bring to nought all you’ve wrought - so just skip it!"
Posted by Bob the Ape 6:24 PM

Bills that must be paid;
Calls that must be made;
Will I make the grade?
      I’ve got responsibility.

Atlas held the sky -
Had to hold it high.
Atlas was a guy
      That knew responsibility.

The boy stood on the deck
Of the burning wreck,
Till he got blown to heck.
      He had responsibility.

Adam’s lack of thought
A curse upon us wrought,
So all our life is fraught
      With much responsibility.

No beatitude,
Rest in vain pursued,
Every day renewed
      Is our responsibility.

Frolicking in fun,
Basking in the sun,
In my dreams I run
      Free of responsibility.

Yet the dream will break,
In the end I wake,
And once more I take
      Up Life’s responsibility.
Posted by Bob the Ape 9:12 PM

If Homer had been really, REALLY lazy:

Agamemnon, wroth, put down his foot.
So Achilles in his tent stayed put.
Till the gods interfered,
And Patroclus got speared:
Then a whole lot of Trojans went “Phut!”

Odysseus, chock-full of guile,
Had adventures, returned from exile,
Confronted the suitors
(Those rotten freebooters),
And slaughtered them all in fine style.
Posted by Bob the Ape 9:36 AM

What happens when I wake up at 3 AM:

An amateur burglar, quite reckless,
Stole a Duchess’s emerald necklace,
But returned it perforce
In a spasm of remorse,
For his soul was not Hydeous but Jekyllous.

Between sitting and tying one on,
And going and mowing the lawn,
Con the pro- and the anti-,
And decide: “A votre santé!
I shall hobnob with Anacreon!”
Posted by Bob the Ape 9:35 AM

Tell me, who in the know can I go to
Who'll explain this mysterious "motu"?
Is it blue? Is it green?
Is it clean, or obscene?
Does it taste more like chocolate, or tofu?
Posted by Bob the Ape 9:29 AM

From Jay Anderson at Pro Ecclesia*Pro Familia*Pro Civitate comes news from Chicago that has more than a whiff of brimstone about it: via Fox News, we learn of a law firm that has put up on a billboard the advertisement displayed above.

Jack Cade, thou shouldst be living in this hour -
Appallingly, attorneys advertise,
In words and images that blast the eyes,
Their matchless loyalty to Satan’s power.
“Thy marriage to thy happiness shall prove
A stumbling block, a vile impediment.”
So, lying, they defame God’s sacrament
Embodying Divine and human love.
No devotee of Moloch or of Baal
Did e’er conceive a scheme so foul, so fell.
The Devil, doubtless, delves a deeper Hell
Than any, into which such souls may crawl.
Great Cade, return, that we may see them cower,
And by thy hand be cast down from their tower!
Posted by Bob the Ape 7:00 PM

Added to the sidebar, for your literary, philosophic, and all-around intellectual needs: T-Rex!

(Hat tip to DarwinCatholic.)
Posted by Bob the Ape 8:02 PM

From commenter “Ed the Roman” at Midwest Conservative Journal:

…prayers are in order for Fr. Rob Johansen (former blogger of Thrown Back, and big supporter of Terry Schiavo who has had a bad heart attack and whose doctors are not sure he's going to make it.

Please start praying.

UPDATE: The report is entirely false, thank God.
Posted by Bob the Ape 7:17 AM

How else but by the Internet? Because James Lileks likes to archaeologize amid the artifacts of 20th Century America, I was led to the website of X. J. Kennedy, a poet of unusual and remarkable imagination and talent.
Posted by Bob the Ape 8:16 AM